


*Untitled*

by DEANfferentRNB



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, changlix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 12:41:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12935493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DEANfferentRNB/pseuds/DEANfferentRNB
Summary: The five times Changbin sees Felix cry.





	*Untitled*

**Author's Note:**

> Angst. Pure angst. I wrote some of the ending before episode 8, but in light of recent events, I decided to continue the fic. Enjoy

The first time they had properly met, was the first time Changbin had seen him cry.

Changbin had been in the practice room with Jisung and Chan. They had been working on a song for hours, at first not quite agreeing on which track to use for their new song, but after their work ethic had deteriorated into talk about the latest TV show.

A slight push of the door had brought a gust of wind into the already chilly practice room. A mop of blonde hair peeked out from behind the door, the rest of their body hidden in the hallway.

The intruder sniffed quietly, his hair bopping up and down with the movement. He shuffled his feet through the door as he hung his head low.

A small cry rippled through the air.

It wasn't loud but it was still noticeable, especially when his face contorted in an effort to blink back the tears.

"Chan?" He whimpered. 

Said boy darted up from his seat on the floor. He pulled the young boy inside and tentatively wrapped him in a hug. It wasn't the first time Changbin had seen the boy but it always been quick stares in the corridor.

Seeing the boy up close he was beautiful, with his freckles dotting his cheeks and his eyes a bright shade of brown. He was talking English, something he was familiar with buy didn't want to interrupt Chan's conversation with the boy.

A weird lump settled in his throat as he fought back the urge to console a total stranger.

###

Changbin wasn't used to dealing with sadness. He could sometimes hear Felix sniffle whenever he passed their room at night but every time he summoned enough courage to approach his door, he backed down.

It wasn't that he didn't care about him– of course not. It was just that Changbin was scared; he was scared that he would become too emotionally invested, too emotionally attached to Felix, and when–if–one of them got eliminated that it would break them both.

He didn't want to break Felix, but he didn't want to fix him either.

Tonight was one of the many nights that he just couldn't find it in himself to fall asleep, and so he stared at the ceiling with wide eyes, patiently waiting for sleep to catch him.

Felix hadn't started his weekly routine of crying himself to sleep when he thought everyone else was asleep. His plan to wait until 2am would have worked, if Changbin wasn't an insomniac. That and the major fact that Chan liked to overwork himself until he passed out from exhaustion.

His meds weren't kicking in, probably because he had forgotten to take them, but Changbin didn't have the willpower to roll out of bed and retrieve them from Chan's secret cupboard.

He did however, find strength in him to sluggishly get up and go to Felix's room. He would probably be sleeping anyway, and if he wasn't, he figured they could stay awake together.

***

Felix had started early. His cries were barely noticeable, and if Chabgbin hadn't been paying extra close attention, he would've just waltzed right past. He knocked on the door softly, not wanting to wake up Seungmin as he poked his head through the door.

It had been a few months after the first time he had seen the young boy cry, and in that space of time they had become friends. They were close, close enough to be mistaken as lovers and yet they were both too frightened to admit their real feelings.

Changbin was afraid of a lot of things.

But tonight, despite his earlier thinking, he decided that he needed to address the problem before them. He wanted them to air out their insecurities and help each other get other them.

He sat down on Felix's bed. The younger boy shuffled to make more space but never lifted his head to acknowledge the extra presence in the room. Changbin didn't particularly mind that; he understood it would be embarrassing to be walked in on when you were crying.

A silence fell on the boys.

Changbin's mouth had dried up and his mind turned blank as he struggled to find something important to say. He fiddled with the sleeves of his pajamas as he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"I'm here for you ya know."

He cursed in his head, his cheeks tinted pink as he glared at Seungmin's night light. Then, he felt a cold hand touch his face. He turned to face Felix, his breath hitching as he saw the tears trickling down his face.

"Thank you."

That was the second time he had seen Felix cry.

###

Minho wiped his face as Felix enveloped him in a spine crushing hug. They stood there solemnly, blocking themselves from the commotion bubbling around them.

Minho had just been eliminated. 

As if that wasn't bad enough, it was for something Changbin had the ability to prevent, if only he had been a better teammate, if only he had been a better person.

Regret gnawed at him from the inside, devouring his emotions as he turned away from the dancer. He couldn't face the fact that his imperfections had caused another person's demise. If he could sacrifice himself he would do it in a minute, but he couldn't. And that was what haunted him the most.

Soon it would be his turn to say his condolences and to be honest, he wasn't ready. He needed time to brew over using the right words; he needed to compose himself and clear his mind but there was no time for that.

He sighed as he turned around. He swallowed roughly at the sight before him.

Slowly, a tear glided down Felix's face and Changbin swore in that moment he wanted to rip his own heart out and donate it to him. He looked beautiful–ethereal even– standing there and, yeah, it was fucking tragic and he should be crying but all he could think about was his perfect, picturesque features and how he never wanted to see him cry again.

His self-loathing was replaced with guilt. Guilt at the fact that in such a devastating situation he was thinking about how pretty his friend looked. It ran deeper than that–he was finally coming to terms with his love for his group member– but on the surface it would've been extremely shallow of him to be thinking such thoughts.

Felix looked up at him, his tear streaked face blotchy and wrinkled in exhaustion. Changbin's heart sunk at his incompetence.

That was the third time he had seen Felix cry.

###

The fifth time Changbin had seen his boyfriend cry was at his elimination.

It was a few weeks after they had shyly asked each other out. Changbin had went up to Felix first, his head contaminated with bad scenarios. At the same time, Felix had been planning to ask Changbin out. They both stumbled over their words until they realised they had both been thinking of the same thing.

The two lovers smiled at each other, as they interlinked hands. Felix had started to cry, and Changbin decided to make an exception. When he cried in happiness, he looked stunning, even more so than when he was crying out of sadness.

It was melancholic.

The situation that they were in now however was not a peaceful one. JYP scribbled on his notebook, the scratching of the pen ricocheting throughout the hollow room. The atmosphere was tense as he cleared his throat loudly.

"Today, there's going to be an elimination."

Everyone stared straight ahead, their faces creased in anger and bitter disappointment. The room was deathly quiet; their boss had stopped writing and was now slowly staring at each member.

Changbin quickly glimpsed at Felix. He had slight bags nestling under his glassy eyes and his blonde hair was tousled. Worry was etched across his features as he exhaled shakily. 

Somewhere deep in his mind, he knew he boyfriend was at a high chance of elimination. It was logical, he had made mistakes and Changbin knew his boss despised anything short of perfection. He had a reputation to uphold after all.

Despite that, he kept repeating the mantra that it wouldn't be Felix. It couldn't be him. JYP had too much to lose– he had too much to lose .

Then suddenly, his boyfriend's eyes caught his and something reminiscent of a smile carved its way onto his features. He stared straight into his eyes, his smile growing bigger.

"Felix. You are eliminated."

Changbin sucked in a deep breath as he chocked on his saliva. He didn't want to cry. Not in front of the one person he had to be strong for.

Jisung went over to him first and trapped him in his arms. At this point, Changbin's resolve had shattered and had reduced him to a sobbing, crouching ball of mess.  
Felix kept repeating sorry, as if any of this was ever his fault.

Chan walked up to him, sniffling as he comforted the blonde haired boy. They spoke in English, Felix nodding to every word the leader said. 

And it was his turn. Changbin wasn't prepared, but when had he ever been when it came to Felix? He was like a breeze that had whirled into his life unexpectedly, bringing both worry and happiness. The boy crouched down carefully as he wrapped his arms around his hyung.

"Hyung's sorry." He sobbed. His voice cracked in the middle of his sentence, his emotions overwhelming him.

"Why is hyung sorry?" 

Changbin was sorry for a lot of things. He was sorry for loving a little too hard yet not being able to protect his love. He was sorry for being reckless yet not taking risks for their relationship. He was sorry for having feelings that a boy should be allowed to have, but most of all he was sorry that he couldn't stop the one person that he was willing to travel to the ends of the earth for from crying.

They stayed hugging for a while, Changbin wallowing in his self doubt. His body trembled as he clutched onto him tighter. 

"I'm sorry." Felix whispered barely audible so the camera wouldn't pick it.

Changbin smiled.

"So am I."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again. I have a tumblr if anyone wants it: Felixislit for Stray kids related stuff. Although, I haven't posted anything yet. TT. I wrote this in a day so let me know if there are any mistakes.
> 
> (7/12/17) Updated. The whole fic didnt post TT


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